you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
