The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
