Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I wish I only lived at night.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
