dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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