I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
