her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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