a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
