She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
