I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I think I sprained my soul last night
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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