More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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