Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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