Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
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