I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
