Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
