I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
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