can we get nightvision for the apartment?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
