he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
