Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
