I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
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