We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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