i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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