I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
