i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
