i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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