when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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