I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
