There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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