I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
i've created a new STD.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
