just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
She's the barista slut.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
