yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
