I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
