The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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