I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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