I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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