Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Dicks are not precious.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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