remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
