i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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