I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
