there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
