ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
