I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
