u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
