the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
