I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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