I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
