Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
