Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
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