Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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