I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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