Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
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