There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Ketchup is God's man juice
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
