...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
a search helicopter?!
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
