Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
