ya dads aren't the best wingmen
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
